


It's not your size

by Turntech-carcino (Themortalhalfbloodgames)



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Awkward Boners, Both Karkat and Dave are Trans, FTM, Humanstuck, It's not sex, M/M, One Shot, Sexual related content, Trans Character, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-16
Updated: 2015-08-16
Packaged: 2018-04-15 00:34:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4586223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Themortalhalfbloodgames/pseuds/Turntech-carcino
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave and Karkat are about to start college.<br/>They're both trans guys.<br/>And they decide they need to update their wardrobes.<br/>But the sweater Dave wants doesn't exactly fit him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's not your size

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Dreadcaptainwatson](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Dreadcaptainwatson).



> This was inspired, prompted and obviously for and by [Dreadcaptain's](http://dreadcaptainwatson.tumblr.com/) art and ideas. She's been my muse recently. So thank you very much Em.  
> Hope it's good and it makes you laugh!

Dave had been watching T.V when Karkat came in and smacked the side of his head.

“Ow” He deadpanned, “What the hell was that form? I’m watching prime cartoons here and you come out of the no where and whack me. I feel hurt and damaged. I honestly came out here to have a good time and I’m feeling- Ow.” Karkat smacked him once more and rolled his eyes.

“Do you ever stop spouting shit out of that pipe hole you call a mouth or is there like an everlasting flow of shit which is being prepared to shoot out of your mouth at any moment you decide to open it thing up?” Karkat dropped himself next to Dave on the couch and huffed.

“I’m not exactly sure what you’re saying but I’m gonna have to go with B, everlasting shit part.” 

“Why the fuck do I even try to, look this wasn’t the reason why I came here. Like always your blabbering bullshit has derailed me from my original purpose as to why I came to talk to you,” Karkat sighed as Dave shrugged and gave him a small smile, “As you know, we’re going to college in fall”

“Wow Karkat, came to point out obvious things? Okay then I’ll follow too. My middle name is Elizabeth, my boyfriend comes from a Mexican heritage, I once sliced a watermelon with my shitty sword, my cousin is dating your cousin, my brother is in love with some bucked tooth kid, I can’t-”

“Are you done? Holy fuck I swear you never shut up. Can we please just pretend for one second you have a mute button? Maybe so I can at least tell you what I came for” 

“Fine, the floor is yours Mr. Vantas” Karkat rolled his eyes at him.

“Well as I was saying before you decided to unleash the horror which are also know as your ideas, we’re going to college in the fall. Away from here. From the shitty town and from the fucked up society which seems to still think we are stuck in the 18th century. We have an opportunity to do things like we want to do them. No brother of mine giving me lectures of what is “culturally appropriate” or not. None of your brothers acting like asshats when you ask to borrow their clothes. We can finally do things on our own” Dave slowly intertwined his fingers and gave him a squeeze.

“What do you want to do, babe?” He said as he rested his head on Karkat’s shoulder. 

“I want to go buy new clothes. New stuff. Just.. Be happy with my things.” He said as he placed his head on top of Dave’s.

“Ok, then. Let’s go now.” He said as he lifted himself off of the couch. He got up and stretched his arms before he turned to Karkat and pulled him up from his feet. He smiled at him and kissed his cheek.

“Great, let’s go then!” He pulled him towards the door but Dave pulled his arm back, “What the fuck, I thought you said we were going to go?” He frowned and Dave smirked at him.

“Mind putting on some pants first?” Dave looked down at Karkats bare legs, “I mean, I’m all about your thighs babe but they’re just for me to see.” Karkat blushed and punched his shoulder.

 

______________________________________________________________________________

 

“H&M. Really? This is where we’re going to buy our clothes. Great. I fucking hate you, you know that right?” Karkat grunted as Dave pulled him in.

“Oh shut up dude, it’s not such a bad place. I can get a few t-shirts here and so can you. I also saw this really awesome sweater here last week and I really want it so come on.” He pulled Karkat through the door of the store and left him to search for his own items.

“Dave what about this one?” Karkat had come to Dave’s side for the third time to show him another sweater because Dave had yet to find. 

“Wait,” He peeked out of the other side of a clothing rack, “No, it isn’t. Man I’m gonna be so pissed if I can’t find it. I really wanted that shitty sweater…” He went back to rummaging through the items.

“Maybe you can order it online, sometimes the store keeps stocked items only for webstore purchase. When we get home you can-”

“Fuck yes! Found it, look at it.” He held up the sweater. It was a ruby red with one black line from the top of the shoulder and it went down vertically. 

“Yeah it looks nice but there’s one problem assnut. _It’s not your size_ ,” Karkat said as he smiled at Dave, “It’s too small for you.”

“No, what?” He checked the size and pouted, “No, fuck that. I’m trying this on. It will fit.” Dave turned towards to the dressing rooms but Karkat tugged his arm and pulled him back.

“Wait, just let me ask one of the employes if there’s another size” Dave opened his mouth to protest but Karkat took the shirt and walked up to the register where two girls were standing.

“Hey, do any of you work here?” He asked the tall brunette with her hair in a bun, eyes covered in red eyeshadow and her lips painted the same way.

“No, shorty. I just like to come here and dress in the employee's uniform and hang out here to pass the time.” She smiled at him with a fake plastic smile.

“Listen,” Karkat read her name tag. Shit he knew who she was, “ _Damara_. You’re Aradia’s sister aren’t you?”

“Well aren’t you a genius.”

“And you seem to be a fucking smart ass but I didn’t come here to exchange notes on our personalities,” Damara smirked at him and he frowned.

“You’re kind of tempered aren’t you? I like you. But see here, I’m on my break and I can’t help you. Or well, I can but I really don’t want to. But my friend over there can give you a hand.” She pointed at a girl with bushy long hair who was wearing a black skirt and olive green knee socks.

“Gee thanks for all your help.” 

“Glad to be of service.” Karkat had almost flipped her off but resisted the urge to do so. He walked over to the girl who was folding some shirts and tapped her back.

“Hello, welcome to H&M my name is Meulin and- Oh! You’re one of Nepeta’s furriends right?”

“Sure, friend why not? I’m Karkat” He said

“Oh Karkitty! I know how you are. What can I help you with?” She smiled so brightly Karkat felt like the girl was just too happy for her own good.

“I want this in a bigger size” He held the sweater up

“I’ll try and see if there’s anyofur sizes. Walk with mew!” She took him to the register where Damara was sitting and talking on the phone.

“Let mew see if I can find any in the system” She scanned the item and clicked a few keys, “I’m sorry Karkitty but it seems to be the only one left” she pouted. 

“Ugh shit. Do you know if you’ll get any more?”

“Hmm… Nope, last box was opened about a month ago. The item won’t be back in any store, sorry”

“Ok, it’s fine thanks.” Karkat walked away and back to Dave. He was still looking for other items.

“Well? What did the cat girl tell you?”  
“There isn’t any more sweaters. This is the last one. Sorry.” He hung the sweater back up but Dave took it back off the rack.

“No fuck it. I’ll totally fit in this.” He put it into his pile of clothing and started to walk towards the dressing rooms.

“It’s not going to fit you asshole.” Karkat told him.

“Just you wait, I will make it fit.

______________________________________________________________________________

“Karkat. Kaaaarkat.” Dave called from inside the dressing room.

“What the hell do you want I was looking for some jeans!” Karkat whispered at the door. Or well, talked in the lowest voice he could manage.

“It didn’t fit...” He whispered back.

“What? I couldn’t hear you”

“It didn’t fit!” Karkat started to laugh at Dave before the he opened the door to the dressing room and went in to help Dave.

“Holy fuck, Dave what the hell did you do?” He laughed as he saw his boyfriend wrapped up with the sweater; one arm was stuck threw the head hole and torso hole the other was caught between a gap where his binder had hooked on to the sweater, his head was half way through the other arm hole, very far from where it should have been. He was an entanglement of long limbs. 

“Well it wouldn’t go in the normal way so I tried to stick it on backwards and… Ugh just help me out will you?” He spun around and trashed about blindly. 

“Of course I’ll help. Just one thing: Say I was right and you were wrong.” Karkat crossed his arms and smiled at Dave even though he couldn’t see him.

“What? No, fuck off. I don’t need your help anymore” He trashed and wiggled around in the piece of clothing.

“Ok suit yourself, have fun” Karkat reached for the door and turned the handle.

“No! Wait ok. You were right and I was wrong…” He sighed and slumped his head forward.

“See was that so hard to say?” Dave huffed and Karkat laughed again. “Ok fine but stop moving. I can’t see what I’m doing if you’re thrashing about.” He walked over to Dave and started to pull and pinch at the sweater trying to loosen it up.

From outside the dressing room, the three employes from the store had gathered to see what had been going on since a customer had reported seeing to boys go in and after heard “obscene noises”

“What the fuck noises could be coming from a dressing room? Crazy old coots.” Cronus said as he stood with Meulin and Damara.

“Shh they’ll stop doing whatever they’re doing if they hear you. We need to catch them in the act.” Damara smirked.

“I agree, must cat them red pawed!” she giggled.

“Ohhh no, no, no. A little more. Ahhh yeah like that.” The voice of one of the boys sounded behind the door.

“Wait, like this?” another voice said.

“Hmm yeah like, that. Fuck! Move it around”

“Oh my god, Dave”

“Karkat please”

“Fine just let me…”

“Agh Karkat no, it won’t work like this. Get on your knees.”

“Ok fine. Mmm… Is this any good?”

“Oh my god, Karkat.”

“They do not pay us enough for this.” Damara said as she rolled her eyes and turned to Cronus, “I think you need to go take them out.”

“What fuck? Why me?” He said as he sweated a little. To be honest, Cronus was finding this all a little too heated. It was kind of turning him on.

“Because I don’t think to boys will appreciate me or Meulin seeing them with their hands down their pants.  
“F-fine. I’ll see what I can do.” He walked over to the dressing rooms. As he got closer, the sound and grunts got a little bit louder and heavier and he couldn’t avoid it, he was getting a hard on. He swallowed loudly before knocking on the door. “Is uh, everything okay in there?”

‘Aw shit, Karkat. Get up.” Dave ushered. Cronus blushed at this. These guys were really into public displays of affection.

Said person walked over to the door and opened it a bit. He stared at Cronus for a minute and then looked behind him.

“Are you going to help us out or just stand there like an asshole?” Karkat said as he pushed the door open a bit.

“W-what?” Cronus felt like he was about to come in his pants in any second,

“Are you going to help or not?!” the boy asked as he pushed the door open revealing Dave on the floor, his binder was unfastened a bit so he was showing a bit of cleavage, his legs were a little spread and his arms over his head. He was seriously tangled in the sweater. But all Cronus saw were a chicks breasts. And that’s when he came in his pants.

“A-ahh… Oh fuck! Fuck fuck f-ahhh!” He slumped on the floor as he came, his face red and sweaty. Karkat looked at him for a second, an utter confused look on his face.

“What the hell… Did you just come in your goddamn pants you pervy son of a fucktart?!” Karkat said when things clicked together.

“S-sorry…” Cronus wheezed as he curled into a ball,

“Oh hahaha oh shit. Cronus just fucked up real big hahaha” Damara laughed as Meulin covered her face in embarrassment for the guy on the floor who was currently being screamed at by Karkat.

“Oh how embarrassing fur him! Damara we need to do something!” Meulin tugged on her wrist.

“I am doing something. I’m laughing my head off at this shit head.” Meulin pouted, “Oh fine ok. We’ll do something. 

They walked over to the boy who was still screaming at Cronus and calling him a perveted bulgefucker with no decency.

“I’m so sorry Karkitty, I’m sure Cronus didn’t mean to uh… Do what he did. We’re so sorry” She said as she pulled on Cronus’s arm on the floor and started to drag him away as he chanted “Let me die in my own filt” over and over again.

“You should be sorry! What kind of fucker gets off on hearing people stuck in a shirt? What the hell kind of people does this store employ? Fucking perverted freaks!? You should be ashamed you fucking assho- Where the hell do you think you’re going?” He paused mid rant to look at Damara as she walked past him and into the stall.

“Helping you out, dumbwit.” Before Karkat could protest she reached over to the sweater on Dave’s head and ripped it open from collar to shoulder, revealing Dave’s face with his shades set crookedly on his nose.

“Oh fuck thank god! Air, fresh sweet air- Karkat, whats up with you?” He asked as he saw Karkat fuming in some guys direction.

“Nothing. Put your clothes out, we’re leaving.” He pulled Dave to his feet and threw him his clothes.

“But I still need to pay for-” but Karkat had walked out of the stall and towards the exit of the store.

“You can pay for them later, kid.” Damara said as she smiled at him and chuckled under her breath, “Think of it as an apology. Our boss would kill us if he found out what happened right now” She waved at Dave and walked back to the cash register area where a girl with cat ears was fanning some dude with greaser hair.

“Wait, what _did_ happen?” He called out to her, face looking confused. 

 

Later when the boys walked out of the store and towards a pretzel stand, Karkat would explain everything to Dave who would blush and yell “oh my god” before covering his face. Little did he know that behind him, stuck in between his pants and jacket, half of the red sweater was still peeking out.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if for any grammatical and spelling errors. I wrote this at school. Please feel free to let me know if anything is written wrong and I know Damara is a bit OoC but this is my first time writting all three of the beforus trolls, I'm not used to their personalities. Also CAT PUNS ARE HARD.


End file.
